on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm just crazy horny about you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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