tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
