That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
