Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
