i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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