I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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