I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
