my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
