Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
