Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
