I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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