Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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