So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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