Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
