It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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