I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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