My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
