Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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