So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
