How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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