May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
