Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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