i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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