i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize