i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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