The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
