That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
