my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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