Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
