apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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