That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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