guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
whose parrot is this?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
