So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
