i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
