Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Please don't give away my fajitas
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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