wat bout pragnant strippers??
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We're too hungover to prance.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
