All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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