Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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