I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
