the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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