I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
