at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
