I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
