I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
