I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
