So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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