i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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