respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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