He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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