I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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