New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
