just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
