i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
