One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
