I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
