Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
