I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it's like heaven, but drunker
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
