The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
