Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
