im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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