If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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