apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
