You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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