sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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