You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
