Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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