My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
