Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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