After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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