i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
