I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
