btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
