the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
