the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
