Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
