you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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