Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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