so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
