we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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