he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it glows. i had to have it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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