How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My life is pants optional.
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