You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
