I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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