Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
